God's Plan
A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While
on the operating TABLE she had a near death experience.
Seeing God she
asked, "Is my time up?"
God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months
and 8 days to live."
Upon hearing this, the woman decided to stay in the
hospital and have a face lift,
liposuction and a tummy tuck. She even had
someone change her hair color.
Since she had so much more time to live, she
figured she might as well make the most of it.
She was released FROM the
hospital but while crossing the street on her way home,
she was killed by a
car.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had
another 43 years?! Why didn't you pull me out of the path of that car?"
God Replied,"I didn't recognize you."
Family Troubles
A guy walked into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double
vodkas."
The barman says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day, the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks.
When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back,
"I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
On the third day, the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double
vodkas. The bartender said, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like
women?"
The man downed the first drink and shook his head, "Yeah, my wife!"
